Some random thoughts recently
After reading my friend's interview, I had a lot of feelings. Recently, I also reviewed myself and happened to get sick. Chainfeed hasn't been updated, so I've been thinking randomly every day. Looking back at the past two years, from my master's degree to now, supercomputers, entrepreneurship, and screws. In fact, I have been struggling with ego. The struggle of self, how to suppress ego, reduce restlessness and delusions. Now I basically won't change because of external factors. I am who I am. This is the result of my struggle with myself over the past two years. A few days ago, when I was thinking back, I realized that I have gradually become decentralized in this struggle. I am the center. By "I am the center," I mean non-selfish/self-interest-driven. It should be more about prioritizing my own personal growth.
Also, many people in my home country asked me two questions: why I didn't start a business and why I am in the UK.
Regarding starting a business, I don't think it's that I don't want to start one, but rather that there are two points that need to be clarified. Whether the timing is right and whether I have the ability to create something from scratch. I won't implement it until I have figured out these two points. I don't really have any ideas, haha, so I want to do more hacking and learn, and squeeze out my own ideas.
As for the UK, I have lived here for 10 years, especially after this business trip, I really miss my sofa (currently, I sleep on the sofa, my choice since I am the landlord). And being in the UK naturally triggers my instincts. Now it seems that being a workaholic has become instinctual for me. Returning to London, naturally I can wake up at 6:30, go to the gym, have a cup of coffee at 8:45. Finish most of the copywriting and planning work before noon. Write code or research reports after 8 pm until 12:30 or 1 am. I have returned to the rhythm, where instinct drives will, and will drives the body. It's great.
Anyway, no one knows me. September was magical. I met a crush from deep in my memory. It's hard to describe, but my first impression of her was very memorable (online). I really fell for her. Later, because I couldn't go back to my home country, I gradually forgot about her. The two days I spent with her, I was very happy. Even though we just drank and chatted, it felt very comfortable, like being bathed in the spring breeze. I still remember her scent when we hugged before I left. In the long hours of work and overtime, I often can't relax, but when I'm with her, I can relax completely. That's when I realized that I might really need to be in a relationship, to have physical touch. I really need hugs. But I'm too fickle, lol. I'm really hopeless. I will go back in December and leave it to fate.
And then I met another girl, haha, that's the next realization.